After months of training, there’s no better feeling than sabotaging yourself on race day. Who knew tanking your race could be this easy? The simplest way to guarantee disaster is to forget everything you’re used to–switch it all up right before the start. If self-destructing is the goal, consider this your ultimate race-day plan.
1. Tune up your fitness the day before
Make up for all of those rest days and rough patches in training by doubling–or even tripling–your mileage the day before your race. This will make you feel fitter than ever–and will leave your legs in the perfect state to tank a race.
2. Sample some new foods
Forget all of the “stick to what you know” nonsense you constantly hear. Race day is, in fact, a very appropriate time to try out that new breakfast hack that’s trending on TikTok or test out those interesting options on your favourite restaurant’s menu–the greasier, the better. Be sure to eat until you’re absolutely stuffed to ensure you have energy for the race.
3. Test out your brand-new shoes
Building off the theme of trying new things, it’s time to break in those new shoes you just bought. If you don’t have fresh runners, we recommend investing in a new pair for your race. There’s nothing more unforgiving than unworn running shoes on race day; you’ll be left with pain, blisters, tears and regret.
4. Focus on same arm, same leg
Swinging your same arm and same leg together is the least efficient running form–perfect this, and you’ll never run slower (or look worse).
5. Go out hot
Our motto for race-day sabotage? “When in doubt, sprint it out.” Start strong, bank time early and find yourself way ahead of your pacing schedule. By the end, you’ll have plenty of time to walk it in (that is, if you can still walk).
6. Don’t waste your time with fuelling/water stations
Who needs water when you have vibes? Take this time to laugh at all the other runners who are foolishly slowing down to grab water and take their mid-race gels. Pass them now, when you feel good–they’ll pass you right back after you hit a wall later.
7. Celebrate before the finish line
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve seen the countless finish-line disasters when a runner prematurely celebrates a win. Spoiler alert: they probably don’t end up winning. Your race day is your golden opportunity to recreate these epic fails–so go ahead, throw your hands in the air, hit the brakes and let everyone else zoom past you. And don’t forget to wave goodbye to your age-category win while you’re at it.
Wishing you the best of luck in your quest for race-day self-sabotage!
