Being in a relationship with a dedicated runner means making peace with certain things: early alarms, long training sessions, weekend races and lots of complaining. For some, it’s manageable; for others, it’s a dealbreaker. While some significant others may understand it, others may not and might feel like a spectator in their own relationship, finding themselves feeling more like an afterthought than a priority.
This is often the reality for running widows–the significant others left on the sidelines as their partners log 100+ kilometre weeks, talk constantly about their training and prioritize workouts over date nights. Some learn to live with it, while others find that love and running don’t always go the distance.
We gathered some entertaining stories and confessions from some of Canada’s running widows.
Mr. Too Elite
For many couples, running together can be a bonding experience. But what happens when one person is way faster than the other? For one woman, dating a semi-professional runner started as an exciting experience. She was also a runner, but, as she soon realized, she was nowhere close to his level.
“We could only run together if I was doing speedwork and he was doing an easy run,” she recalls. “I trained my butt off for months for my first marathon, and then, just a few weeks before, he decided to run it, too. He placed in the top 10, went home for a shower, and came back before I even finished.”
The relationship slowly unravelled as his dedication to racing took priority over their time together. When she moved provinces for a new job, he couldn’t find the time or money to visit her—but he always found a way to fly to another destination to chase prize money. “That’s what really ended up tearing us apart,” she writes. “He was chasing something else, and I realized I couldn’t keep up with his dream.”
The golden retriever
One woman describes her boyfriend as having “golden retriever energy”—an enthusiastic and slightly oblivious love for running that permeates every part of his life.
“He’s constantly running with ‘the guys,’” she laughs. “I tell people he has golden retriever vibes—running around at the park with his friends, sprinting in circles at the track, and rolling around on the floor at home when he’s ‘rolling out.’”
She says she constantly sees her partner checking the weather app, and finds it even affects his mood. “If it’s nice out, he gets excited, because it means he can run outside, like an overjoyed puppy.”
She says she loves him and wants to support his passion, but sometimes, the sheer amount of time he devotes to training and recovery makes her feel like she’s dating someone who already has another full-time commitment.
Wait, is it my marathon training?
This runner and her partner had been together for a few years, but it wasn’t until she started marathon training that issues arose. “We always saved our evenings to watch TV together or play Scrabble, but when marathon training started—I started squeezing in runs and yoga classes during those times,” she admits.
And although it’s important to stay focused during marathon prep, she says 99 per cent of her conversations revolved around running. “I could tell he was annoyed, but I didn’t realize how much until I saw a note on our table after a 35K long run saying he couldn’t support this extreme hobby any longer,” she writes.
She remembers feeling bad for a few hours—but then continued her training in pursuit of a personal best. “The funny thing is, after my marathon, he started running on his own. A few months later, he ran a 10K, followed by something he swore he’d never do—a marathon.”
The couple is still together, and this year will mark his seventh marathon and 19th ultra—all within the last four years.
Can’t break the BQ
Qualifying for the Boston Marathon is one thing; once a runner successfully qualifies, it means discipline, sacrifice and unwavering focus during the toughest months of the year for running (i.e., January, February and March) to be ready for Patriots’ Day in April. For one runner, it also meant the end of his relationship.
“I was training for Boston, and my girlfriend dumped me within the first month of my build, because I was spending too much time training and not enough with her.”
He says their relationship was still relatively new when his training cycle started, but he admitted the long hours on the road, mixed with the early mornings and early nights, left little room for romance.
“She didn’t understand the grind and why I suddenly couldn’t see her as much. I tried to explain, but in the end, she wasn’t willing to put up with it.”
When asked if he regretted it, he responded, “Not really. Her loss!”
